Lady Green Moth

Lady Green!
Lady Green!

You sit so peacefully on the bathroom wall.
Wings folded protecting your heart when you are grounded.
When you touch base with reality.

But when you fly...
Oh Lady Green!
When you open up your wings and fly, soar into the blue third eye of Mother Nature, you let your heart, your soul remain unprotected.

You know, I am not that different from you Lady Green Moth.
I too leave my heart unprotected at times.
I think it is healthy.

Yes.
I converse this with you.
You just sit there so stoically.
I know you understand me though.
You are a soul.

Hopefully, soon, I won't be flying alone.
Hopefully, soon, he will kiss me again and fly with me.

I feel like you understand.
Lady Green, you prefer flying as much as I do.

I am One with Time.

All the events of this week could easily fit into a month.
It came at me so fast.


But I loved and hated every minute of it with a passion so imbued within my soul.



I don't feel like anybody is a threat to me at the moment.
He will see in the end what is meant to be.
I see it now.
He just needs his time.
3 to 5 months time.


I want to tell him...
I am willing to make the effort to be with you forever in this life.
I will tell him in retrospect what i think everything means.
Last year i was so depressed and i felt so empty inside because i was denying my soul who it really wanted to be with.
I wanted to explore "my options" but my only true option was right there all along.

I knew it.

I think it is problematic finding your soul mate so young because when one is young you want freedom.
I wanted some freedom to do what i want.

But i will tell you a secret...
IT IS SO NOT FUCKING WORTH IT!

if you find your soul mate at a young age...work through the problems.
don't be selfish.

I regret it everyday until i am in his arms forever again.



now....

i just have to wait.



oh susan oh susan oh susan!
please give me the strength, patience, and understanding.

Susan

that's my guide closest to me.
she hums me to sleep.
she gives me answers when i seek.

Champion took me to the psychic to get spiritual help, in the end he got the most help.

I started crying the moment she asked me why there was disappointment in my life.
I cried because I didn't know the feeling was that strong.
I feel like i am never good enough for my mom.
She told me to disengage.
It would be ok.
It is hard though.
She is my mother. I love her.
In one past life, i was a servant to her.
That's where the strictness comes from.

I AM GOOD ENOUGH NOW!

Champion and I are soul mates.
I knew it.
We made a pact with God before we came down to live this life that we would live it together.
It's funny.
When i first laid my eyes on him in high school...there was a recognition felt.
A soul recognition.
In past lives we were Hawaiian. We were brother and sister. We were also married in one life. We were African slaves then. I was also a missionary in China and took him in and raised him. He was a homeless Chinese boy.

Our bonds are deep.

It also makes sense now why i am such a fighter for social justice and against racism. why i feel so connected to Africa although in this life i have no ties.

He is more confused than i am.
It's ok though....i feel that once you know you are soul mates..you cannot stay apart for long.

We still need a lot of communication.

He likes this girl right now.
The physic straight out told him though that she is a manipulator and is using him.
In 3 months something will happen that will open his eyes to her true intentions.
He is also going to get a break in LA with his music.
She told him to get out of Santa Maria.
I knew he needed to do that.

I did the fairy cards today.
Marriage literally flew out of the deck.
I would marry him.
But that doesn't mean i will give up my dreams.

Oh I will also be writing a book in this lifetime.
Look out for that. :)

I suggest everyone get a reading.
It is a life changing experience.

Chosen

Mukhtar.
Damn.
Potential?
Definitely really amazing friend.
Came when I was really depressed.
Now it's not so hard.

Hang out tomorrow....just talk.
Paint.
Sun.
I will tell him I understand now.
But that no GIRL will ever love him the way and how much I do.
Ditto.
Vice versa.

Washington DC came at the perfect time.
Worth getting sick again.
I will go back....
This time with more jackets!

I am coming to the conclusion of where I want to go.
What I want to do.
These conferences are educational to the max...
But in the end I really love the bonds that I form with people.

It makes my life so much more enjoyable.
I forget to soul connect with people at school sometimes.
I have made many new friends.

I think my heart is getting ready to heal now.
Yes.

"How can so much good exist in such a tiny heart?

And despite of all the pain she's in,
she never falls apart.
And if she does it lasts the length of seven songs
She dries her tears on her best friend's sleeves and dances
right along."

Oh, if only I could get like that.
If only it was so easy....

Don't be dependent....dependent on the magic.
The only true energy, the only true change is in yourself.
Remember that.
I sometimes forget.
If only it was so easy...

When I die I want to come back as a cat for awhile.
Animals are not here for us.
And we are not here for them.
It's symbiotic.
Their souls are no different from ours.
In the relationship, it is just two souls connecting and rejoicing.
Two souls loving.
That could be your soul one day as a dog.
Makes me want to become vegetarian.

I just want the page to turn already.
I just want to my heart to fully heal.
I want his heart to fully heal.
I just want to live.

Why is it so hard sometimes?

Dot

I have this red dot right in the middle of my wrist.
It hurts when I scratch at it.

It's just a tiny red dot.
Perfectly round.
So little.

It just appeared out of nowhere.

It is my beginning to my end.
It is my pain leaving my body.
Red is grounded.

chakra chakra chakra chakra

I can talk to the fairies for you, if you want?

It might just be a cut....a minuscule cut.
But what would life be without intuition?
Without reading into things spiritually?
Make the normal abnormal.

That is my goal.

.

Cooperative Living.

Fuck.

I am going to be living in the Newman co-op next year and then hopefully in the Biko house once a spot opens up.

I am super excited.
And I am not going to lie....I kind of want a boy roommate.
Girls are chill though....

As long as they are comfortable with me walking around naked in the mornings and me taking 30 minute showers :)

Ah! I think I may finally have a place to call my own though.
This year I did not belong anywhere.
I don't have a room at home in Santa Maria, I don't have a room at my aunts, and I don't have a room at Sandy and David's to call my own. (Although I am eternally grateful for their hospitality.)

I will finally have half a sanctuary.
I am going to paint a mural on my wall.
I am going to write poetry on my walls.
I am going to put up all my art that has been hidden these past 2 years all around the apartment.
I am going to have a shrine dedicated to air fairies in my room.
I can display all my wonderful books.
I can finally have my granny's quilt and my beautiful 60's flower comforter on my OWN bed.
I can play my record player and dance around again!
I am going to perfect my sandwich making and salad tossing.
I am going to make banana pudding next year...southern style.
Who knows?
If I am financially OK I might even get a kitty all my own.

Mhm. Next year is going to be wonderful. I just know it :)

Radio playing

ad after ad after ad.

I make up your life inside my own head.
You are doing this.
You are going there.
You are thinking of me.

Invisible conversations occur as luke warm water runs down my back, down my breasts.
My body is transformed into a passage way into an ether conscious mind fuck.
Dreams are a personal heaven and hell.

I haven't parked my car on the edge of the world in awhile.
I haven't inhaled poison in awhile.
I have drank it instead.

When I stop thinking of relationships
When I stop getting annoyed by the human condition
I FLOURISH!

The man with so much wisdom who made his voice into a musical instrument said
"It's not about the world...it's about LIFE."
He sang about Africa as a mother.

My soul is going to fly one day.
It is going to make it to heaven.
It is going to come back as a bluebird.

I swear....in my past life....I must have been an African.
I should investigate this.
I need to dance like a Sufi in a trance.
I NEED to be in a trance.
I need to go back in time in my mind.

drunk on love

i have onion breath.

i saw spoken word like its never been heard.
my only thought "i can do this shit."

i walked the streets by myself
do not call me
you fucking bois
i am not your "black widow"
what the fuck does that mean?

If you were intelligent you would know that the female black widow eats her mate.
You will eat me first however.

my pleasure is all you need.
Ice your blue balls.
i dont give a fuck.

he bit me hard.
so hard.
i have the marks on my back.
You fucking queer boi.
I love you though.

you hide.
you hide you identity.
your sexuality.
it's ok.
i understand.
I hide too.
I am so confused.

i should go to sleep.
i have work tomorrow.
fucking corporation work.
fuck.
i only do it so i can go to school
so i can live with the hippies.

in the end my life will be an artistic revolution.
i will travel the world living off of human beings generousity.
I will write.
write.
write.
write.

Oh! fuck me!
fuck me so hard!
love my vagina.
rub my clit.
it is a loaded pistol.

I hide myself.
You talk so much.
I know alot about you>>>

But do you know that much about me?

Fuck love me...
You aren't a season lover.
you are a lifetime

i am so drunk..kinda.
fuck the rum.
fuck the love
why did i text you?
Angel!
i knew you wouldn't respond.
they never respond.

Now i will go take out my eyes and wash away my everyday face and slip into dream land.
goodnight human beings.
fuck you and love you.

Life is one giant fucking.
orgy parties at Biko.
lets be real i will join those.

i love you.
don't ever forget that.

Sifting Through Time

Looking for my African prince in all conventionality.
I would dress his wounds after his revolution for humanity.

Oh, you see I just long for him to hold me in his ebony arms.
For his hands to delicately slip between my thighs.
His lips to caress mine so smoothly.
I want him to taste me.
I want to taste him.
His tongue tracing ancient ruins over my bare skin.

Then when the night is done.
He will leave in the morning to fight against everything my color of skin stands for.
He will fight against the oppression.
Exploitation.
Racism.
Capitalism.
ism ism ism.

I too will walk down that path.
Fighting against the power structure that calls itself whiteness.
Most people don't see that side of me.

And that is perfect.
Those who share in the exploitation of beautiful human beings whose skin is darker than their white skin....
Will never see me coming until it is too late.

He sees that side of me.
He loves me for it.
And at night our bodies melt into one.

One revolution.
One fight.
One love.

Oh, my African prince is so much more.

I will know, when our eyes meet.

Imbued With the Goddess

Fem.
Fem.
Feminist thoughts overpowered my mind.

You, boy, disgust me.

The histories, the pain, the emotions, THE SOULS of womyn past overwhelmed me.

You want a piece of meat?
Go fucking make out with the corpse of a cow.
I am more than the physical.

I transcended the barriers.

But can I always be like this?

The system's roots go deep deep deep, so deep.
They rise and constrain me.
Strangle my breath, my life.

It's only when I have fooled them into thinking I am a fem-bot sheep that they relax their grip.
Then I can attain a glimpse of freedom.

Soon those roots will lay dying as my free words and actions hack them apart.
I will bathe in the blood of a dying patriarchy.

But I cannot do it alone.
Will you join me?