Living Dream

Row, row, row your boat.

We are going to save the city tonight.
Blow it up like a dandelion seed in the breeze.
Mmmm breathe in the ash.
Revolution.
Death.
The image conjured by the eye's artist when the word "revolution" is uttered/yelled/mourned.

Gently down the stream.

We are going to save ourselves tonight.
Close our eyes and travel farther than anyone has in the world.
Travel inside ourselves to discover something that is too often covered up with the ego's masks.
Discovering something that is untainted by human emotions.
Something that is connecting me to everything.
Love.

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily...

I'm holding your hand as we watch this city be blown up like a dandelion seed but I don't feel the ash fall on my face.
Instead I feel something travel into my hand from yours, up my arm and into my heart.
Light flows out of my heart and yours.
Out of my eyes and yours.
We are protected in a light bubble from this devastation.

Because after all,
life is but a dream.

A Symbolic Relation

We live in a world of symbols and graveyards.
Symbols that create the graveyards.
Symbols that represent hope and fear and symbols that sometimes represent both but choose to hide their double meaning in a shroud of peace.
The graveyards grow like roots from the core of the earth by human beings dying for these symbols.
These symbols claim more lives than they give, it seems.
Symbols like the words etched into a sign saying "no trespassing" onto land that really belongs to no one.
Symbols like the cross hanging above your head with a half naked man upon it bleeding profusely.
Symbols like the upright pentagram that is demonized by those who have a preference for the symbol of the half naked man on the cross because they refuse to educate themselves, only listening to what the "church" spews at them.
Not really understanding that their worshipped symbols are sister to the symbols they so hate.
Symbols like the one we believe we "vote" into offices in a house painted white.
While the ones in power tainted with greed hide behind the faith people have in these symbols.
Symbols like the old yellowed parchment with flowery words claiming that America is freedom...
freedom...freedom?
just another symbol.
but a powerful symbol that wields a double-edged sword.
a symbol that allows genocide but also a symbol that for a brief moment in history gave a group of people the hope to fight against the hatred of racism.
But in the end....they are just symbols.
Symbols...all different symbols...
But we allow these symbols to take us over.
They became the very fiber of our being.
From the clothes we wear, the food we eat, the words that leave our lips to the thoughts that manifest in our mind are all encoded with symbols.
So now the question is...do we need these symbols to survive?
They are so intertwined with our fates but I have always believed that fate is not indefinite.
What if there was a world that had no concept of symbols...?
What would that be like?
I can barely begin to imagine that.
Must be heaven then...a utopia.
But if one can question the meaning of symbols and their place in the world and begin to even fathom what it might be like to live without them, then I think there is some hope...
but then again...hope is also a symbol.
Are symbols that ingrained into our consciousnesses?
Maybe.
So then the real question should be how do we turn those symbols of fear, anger, hatred, and those symbols that disguise themselves as good into symbols of light and love?

A Beautiful Dream

I was back at my old school in Santa Maria.
I was on the playground, except the playground looked different than how I remembered it.
It resembled more the one at the Children's Center.
On the slide was a huge yellow and orange butterfly.
This butterfly looked liked water.
It then changed to a small oxen.
Then it transformed into a huge gorilla and started playing soccer with some kids.
It was still yellow and orange though.
I watched it and then went up to B.J who was sitting in the sand and asked her what that was.
She told me it was a shape shifter and that to see one meant that I was content with my life but there were still things to discover.
It was then nighttime.
I was with Sandy, Champion, and Olivia.
We were in a big grassy valley.
All different types of animals from all over the world were gathering.
It was amazing.
There was a glowing white light in the middle of the field and all the animals were waiting for something.
We sat down next to a group of rabbits.
A group of humongous lions and tigers were playing a little bit a ways off from us.
Champion stood up and then ran to the lions and tigers and jumped into their playful pile and played with them.
I remember I felt some concern but then I felt that if he could do that then so could I.
There was a lioness and a tiger playing together right next to me.
I stood up and and sat next to them.
I remember I was a bit scared.
The lioness came up to me and rolled on her back.
I started petting her head.
I could physically feel her fur.
(lucid dreaming)
I was still scared her claws might hurt me but then i felt reassured and she started playing gentler with me.
She was abnormally big.
Then the shape shifter came to the middle of the field.
This time it was an old man, like a wizard, with a wooden stick.
All the animals gathered around and I could sense their happiness.
I woke up.

It was beautiful.

Wisdom

A soul's age is one's true age.
That newborn you hold in your arms may be far older and wiser than you.

But I raise questions in my mind.
Just because one has had many lives, does that make one wiser?
I once read that new souls were such humans like serial killers...
But then I also read that a wave of new souls were coming to earth to save it.
Rainbow children.
So what does that mean?

Maybe some souls choose to have something drastic happen in their first few lives so that they will learn, grow, and evolve at a faster rate...
Whereas maybe other souls decide to take it slow and learn little but important lessons in numerous lives...
Who really knows?

I was told that this is my 26th life here.
I have discovered some of my previous lessons in past life regressions, yet i do not see myself as wiser than that 5 year old child I hold in my lap.
neither Soul age nor physical age wise.

Well, that's just it...
We can question and question the workings of the Universe only to end up with more questions with no absolute answers.
We tack on human emotions to everything.
But not everything is "human".

Churches fill up their pews and preach that God is forgiving but also jealous and can get angry.
What?
How can that be?
Jealousy, forgiveness, anger...those are all human emotions.
How can we say with such absolute certainty that this pure energy of love is like us in this human form?
I can understand that humans wanted to make this pure energy of light and love more personable by making it fit the human image, but we have now twisted it in such a way to fear it.
God, the Universe, Allah, Mother Nature, whatever one calls this love.

Oh I just keep questioning and questioning.
It fills up my days.
never ending.
I mean just like with this ramble...I started with questioning past lives and souls to end up starting to rant about what exactly "God" is.

Some would say "Just don't question anything then".
Well that could lead to me being controlled by another....be it another person, a government, a church , or a school...and i can't live my life that way.
Some would say question but then let it go and live peacefully in the now.
Well if everyone did that, how would things ever evolve?
If we lived in a utopia well then yeah I don't have a problem doing that, but we don't.

You see I question continuously because I want to experience a transformation of peace, love, and gratitude in this world.
And the first stepping stone to achieving this is to question.

A physicist named Max Planck once said in his life "Science cannot solve the ultimate mystery of nature. And that is because, in the last analysis, we ourselves are...part of the mystery that we are trying to solve."

So I think that we just need to keep questioning together, and maybe someday an answer will appear.

Poetry Night

Every other Wednesday.
Joe and Candice's coffee shop.
a gathering of souls just wanting to share their emotions.
languages of the soul written down on paper or sung.
I was asked to be this week's featured poet.
How would other's view my truths?
I don't write angry all the time.
Although it can be taken as anger, I simply write down how I am seeing the world...
and there tends to be a lot of anger and frustration in the world so I cannot avoid transcribing this.
I read old and new thoughts.
I read about my spiritual beliefs, my views on politics, sexism and racism.
As I read I could not help but wonder if they were understanding my view point and if they were accepting or fuming inside.
I had never read that much of my writing out loud to people I have not yet gotten to know so well.
After I read a poem I looked at the different faces, and I could tell I had touched them on some level.
B.J. wanted a copy of one of my poems.
The ex-pastor told me I was a genius and my major should be English.
Flattery was a good sign.
I think it would have meant more to me in high school when my insecurities of my ego had more space.
But I know my writing is meaningful now.
I humbly listened to the praise and said thank you.
I was just glad that my message had hit somewhere.
After I collected the tips from the jar I went to the bathroom to count it.
21 dollars.
21
my favorite number.
The I heard "see Hailey, your writing is important. this is only a taste of what your writing can bring you in this life. your purpose in this life is writing, your path is teaching."
The first time I read that much of my inner beliefs out loud and the love I felt afterwards was indescribable.
I know that is my purpose in this life.

21 is new beginnings.
21-"our thoughts are like seeds that are beginning to sprout. you may have already seen some evidence of the fruitation of your desires. these are signs that things will and are growing in your aspired direction. keep the faith!"

These hateful altercations

are creating an utmost devious materialization
of this world I reside in.
Something has been buried within dark deep dirt obliterating communication.
Habituation is no longer just a developmental neurological phenomenon but something that society has molded to create confliction.
There is no more...no more connection between the species.
To talk about love and peace and empathy is just too easy.
If I ask you to put the action towards your words, would you hesitate?
would you deliberate in the confines of your mind that maybe it is just too hard?
maybe you think you should leave it to those who are stronger and can mitigate.

Everyone thinks life is hard.
Everyone struggles in their own prisons.
Everyone finds their own unique way to finally break the chains that restrain them.
if not in this life, then the next or the next...
Pity is not empathy.
Pity is a selfish strive to achieve acknowledgment for nothing that you have done.

If you feel true empathy you achieve psychic insight.
If you have unearthed your psychic insight from that dark deep dirt, you achieve the awareness of oneness between all.
If you understand oneness you achieve pure love.
And to achieve pure love is to achieve a revolution within.

So let it begin.

The disease of the mind that progresses slowly each day.
Only old memories of childhood and times that are no more exist within.
Can't remember what happened yesterday.
Can't remember what happened 5 minutes ago...almost.

The disease of the body known as a cancer that is maifested by one's own energies.
herbs?
radiation?

why is there disease?
we create the diseases.
processed foods to lower the numbers after the money symbol.
hate everywhere filling up the heads of little ones before they can even comprehend the abstract meaning of the emotions they feel.
no more fresh air.
no more clean oceans.
no more fresh water.
no more food picked straight from the greatest healing source of all: Mother Earth.

We are destroying are only chance of survival.

...that is...if she doesn't destroy us first.

"I See Fairies!"

Children are so precious.

I have gotten myself into trouble.

I promised all the little girls crystals...

now every time they see me they ask.

They have the memories of an elephant!

I shouldn't have given her the crystal to begin with but I couldn't help it.

I knew she would go tell her little friends that I gave it to her, but I knew she was leaving for kindergarten and would be entering a society not so kind.

She was just too adorable. A Kimya Dawson mini look-a-like.

That small quartz crystal had a lot of love and positive energy put into it.

It would help her more than me.

Guess it's time to go buy a bunch of crystals.

Today as I stood in the ocean and let the waves crash me down, I started to let the past life regression memories of Lemuria wash over me.

I felt sad.

But the Ocean told me that the world had to change so new lessons could be learned.

To speed up the spiritual journey.

Well, if California is the first to go under....at least I'll be going home.

(Sun sign: Sagitarius) (Moon sign: Aquarius) (Rising sign: Cancer)

I believe we choose our signs accordingly for each life.
It is like a road map to self understanding.
The same way we choose what gender, what ethnicity, what color our skin will be, hair, body shape, religion...
We are the makers of ourselves.
Each choice for a new life offers different lessons.
My choice to be a white womyn in this life presents me with unique and different lessons compared to the soul who chose to be a black man in this same life.
I truly believe that tapping into previous soul manifestations is important for all humankind.
It teaches that we are actually not all that different.
We are all connected.
I have known all these souls in different physical forms than the ones they currently inhabit.
Regressing into these past migrations of the soul teaches empathy.
You were once and male and female, black and white, muslim and christian, brown and yellow, here and there.

I believe the world was once different than the world we live in now...
wait...
I believe society was once different that the society we live in now.
The world has never changed, only us, our consciousness.
The history that we now recount in books in this society is a new history.
We don't even really know how old the world is.
The history we now say we know is filled with greed, hate, and fear...but I don't think true history has always been like that.
The theories that have been created speculating what life was like before documentation are theories created with the mindset and consciousness of today's society.
And by today, I mean the beginning of where our history books start.
Our history is just a day in comparison with the history of the world.
The consciousness has always been shifting.
Like a pendulum.

This world is getting sick.
This world is getting tired.
This world is finally standing up and saying enough is enough.
Mother Nature is cleaning.

Call it the end of the world, if you want.
But it will only be the destruction of the world humans have created out of greed.
In any magic spell, in any magic happening, one must first clean the energy of the space.
Sage burning.
Wipe the spirit board.
And that is what the world is starting to do now.
Cleaning away the built up negative energy.

Death is inevitable, but not the end.
Death is a concept humans created out of fear of the unknown.
But the unknown can be easily known.
You just have to let go of the fear.
We all have the capability to govern our own destiny.
To know the readings of energy on all levels.
Just unblock yourself.

We have already planned our lives before we were even born.
Sticking to the plan is another thing in itself but the guidelines are there in our higher consciousness.
Just ask.

Like the Hopi knew,
"we are the ones we have been waiting for."

Research Paper drafts

In a small town a swap meet is a place to be on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. One will find themselves walking between tables stacked high with merchandise and knick knacks of all sorts. It is like an outdoor thrift store. Elote, horchata, cotton candy, and nachos towering with jalapenos are advertised at nearby stands. Going into the heart of the swap meet,one starts to find more established stores. A dress boutique on the left and a man with his store space packed full of TVs and VCRs and videos on the right. Then a scent of burning incense, like when one walks into an old church, crosses paths with your sense of smell. You look around to see where it is coming from and spot a small shop with a rack of incense and bumper stickers sitting out front. With peaked curiosity you go inside and discover a store that is almost like a church.

If one does not have prior knowledge of the occult, Botanica Manivye will seem quite shocking when glancing at some of the merchandise. Shelves of candles take up a quarter of the store with labels such as Healing Light, Control, and some with pictographs of holy saints. Some candles take on the shape of a cat, two lovers, or the devil. Jars of dried herbs such as Mugwort, Sage, and Dragon's Blood line the walls. Pendants bearing voodoo coffins, pentacles, and various crystals hang next to long necklaces strung with brightly colored beads of white, yellow, red, and green. Glass shelves house spirit boards, tarot and oracle decks, crystals, and a jar of black cat eyes. Multiple altars find shelter in the botanica, as well, with candles, coins, incense, statues and jars of water filling the table tops. Antique black art, such as pictures, statues, and posters are dispersed throughout the store. A statue of a beautiful black womyn bathing stands in front of a poster of Malcolm X. A corner of the room is curtained off as the consultation room. However, the energy and feeling one gets when inside Sister Angie's botanica is of tranquility and acceptance. Sister Angie, a short middle aged womyn with long, thin dreads with bracelets and rings covering her arms and hands, greets you and makes sure you are finding what you are looking for. As you smile and nod that you are just looking, she hurries back to her consultation room to finish up a shell reading. Macy Gray plays in the background softly as you continue to look at the strange mystifying objects. One can easily get lost in thought while in Botanica Manivye and can truly start to see that "magic" really does exist.

Shops like Sister Angie's have emerged from a deep, rooty history. Botanicas, Yerbias, Hoodoo drugstores, Wiccan/Metaphysical/Spiritual shops are all connected by the same energy, the same history despite the alias they go by.

Vou Dou Hou Dou

"No. The ancestor spirits are already with you."

sage cleanse
candle burning
mugwort brewing
THC traveling

Things can get deeper
my roots, perhaps?

It is of the earth.
let us intertwine the belief systems.

I was floating in a turquoise bubble.
The animals were drowning but I tried to save them.

i want to remedy everything with you and vegetation.
You know, if we hold our breath long enough under the sea our rebirth will happen.

I was a physician in Egypt.
Eye of Horus-maybe i helped you?
I was a barmaid in Ireland.
Fairy Tales
I was a slave from Africa.
Truthfully Freedom
I was a missionary in China.
I was shaman in America before the land had a name as such.
I was a "witch" in Puritan.
I was a black radical in a concrete land handing out Mao.
I was practicing shape shifting in Lemuria...

The more I try to grasp an understanding, the more complex it becomes.
The more questions I obtain to what I thought were answers.

The truth is simple.

sometimes i forget that we are all just made of light.

sometimes i forget this is just a brief dream.

this is real, but not as real as we sometimes force it to be.

oh darling dear.

visions...

past lives flitter underneath my now eyes.

I was once hung.

I felt it so strongly that night.

I had to keep drinking water.

I felt like I couldn't breathe.

I remembered my childhood "game"

....I would tie a rope around my neck then tie it to something else and lean forward to feel that strangulation....

seems sexual, but it wasn't.

I just did it.

I have a thyroid problem, located in the throat area...a manifestation.

I believed it was related to my life as an African slave, it's relevant.

But it's not.

I was hung for being a "witch".

Last night the visions while meditating seemed from the Salem Witch Trials.

I'm not sure though.

The more I focused on those visions the more suffocated I felt.

I asked Archangel Michael to cut any ties to that past life that were affecting me now.

I believe that is why I have hesitations to talk about my spirituality and knowledge with others.

Champion is the only one I feel comfortable talking to.

When I do find others, I get so excited, like it's a coven or something and I just want to share all my knowledge and know theirs.

But there are always those who doubt and I feel it.

And I become conscious, which is bullshit.

A doubting of my abilities.

I know it is their insecurities playing upon me, but it gets to me.

It got to me.

They can doubt all they want, for it is me experiencing the truth and love of the Creator and all Heavenly beings.

I know the miracles that have graced my life.

I believe my insecurities related to expressing my true nature about my spirituality is related to me being persecuted for my beliefs some time long ago.

Well, it is no more.

I have cut the ties and the healing is happening.

This life will be different.

That life may be why I despise structured religion so much too.

hmm....haha...who knows?

I got 18 more lives to uncover in this 1.

and 25 to still fully understand and heal from completely.

Bring it on....I have eternity.

medicine

working at a place for conventional alternative holistic medicine

cannabis

marijuana

hash

indica

sativa

fruity name after name

i come to a full circle of understanding weed culture

the addictions

the pain

the fear

hmm...the fear...

the fear of allowing your true thoughts out.

an attempt of your soul to break the blocks you have created

...if you are remotely aware

i like to smoke on occasion.

i really enjoy complete meditation when high.

how many people meditate when high?

not many

i feel like it makes me more one with the plant.

human behavior is so interesting when high and in a large group of people whose mental state is way somewhere else...

but i find myself constantly having to shield myself from others energy. way more than usual.

i think it is just because i can feel energy more when high.

people are so unaware and unconscious that they are responsible for their environment.

always.

"this is so awkward"

stop

why?

think:you are responsible for those emotions as well

tarot de sirena

card after card laid down in the sand.

sand crabs jump onto them.

all readings end with success.

success

success

what does that mean?

material?

spiritual?

all i know for truth is that when I finally let go of worry

when i sat down by the ocean waves and wrote a paragraph for my book

everything changed.

the only block to my manifestations was me.

i miss photography.

i was good.

i am good.

i miss my imagination coming out on a piece of dead tree.

i miss capturing time.

i miss the morbidity i transcribed.

i miss going outside with my sister near sunset and making her dress up.

making her jump in a freezing cold pool in January.

making her lie down in the street.

i miss controlling light.

i miss making my poetic lines come to life with a snapshot.

i miss manipulating reality.

i am going to change all of this.

i am going to afford a camera worth artistic endeavors.

i am

i am

i am

I am a published author.

oh, affirmations you have taken me far.

even my subconscious speaks these affirmations and brings me things I did not ask for.

Thank you universe for allowing me to see the beauty in this new friendship.

I knew we always had some connection but now it is being nurtured.

oh, Creator you never cease to amaze me.

These walks are good.

Purple purple purple auras in all the trees.

I can now hear their names.

Layla

George

Elwin

I should have spoken more to that traveling couple.

They were aware.

They knew about crystal magic.

But, I believe our relationship in this life was me just giving them food in exchange for a turquoise ring.

Maybe in a past life they helped me out in a time of need and I was simply returning the favor.

Oh, but it gives my soul hope.

Chamuel

I walk into the scapegoat of time

to only discover that the cannibal has eaten all of my heart.

Yet the heart is just physical.

How can you destroy something that is purely energy?

purely light?

purely love?

The cannibal of monstrousity may have peeled my skin off, dug into my flesh, chewed my organs, and chipped my bones down to marrow

but I am still here.

glowing so bright you could never get lost in the dark.

25 lives in this school known as human Earth and I can not help but wonder...

Why did I keep coming back?

Earth Angel

yes that is me.

So Mr.Cannibal don't let the feathers of my wings get stuck in your teeth.

I will be back again as a jaguar and you as a wild buck

and it will be I who will taste your flesh.

25 lives and counting.

Heaven

Lemuria

Ireland

Africa

England

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Here now.

What am I supposed to do?

Oh mother world! Come lay your tired body in my arms. I am here to help you.

I just need to know how?

why?

the smallest of creatures can make the world of difference.

my past manifestations may be in the history books of this ghastly society but never in this life.

I write my own dreams.

goals

graduate from this school already.

marry Champion.

leave in September of 2011 for Europe,Ireland,Africa,Philippines, and Hawaii.

rediscover my ocean origins in Hawaii through past life transgressions from Lemuria.

write as many children's books as I please.

support and be the manager for Champion's music lessons,performances, and recordings (ohhhh yoko! haha)

become a mother to my 3 children.

teach Athena and the other two (haven't received their names yet) about everything.

ask 2 dogs and 3 cats (maybe a rat or bird) to join our family.

obtain Champion and mines dream home in Texas or Arizona (has a vortex) or Colorado.

find more earth angels and star seeds to reconnect with who are aware.

completely and utterly open all of my psychic abilities.

help others to reconnect with their psychic abilities.

love with a true love.

innocence is not really innocence all the time.
love plays a large role in interpreting who is true,
for truth is love and love is truth.
realize that all is good.
the so called "evil" is controllable for it is within the human ego.

your third eye burns to see passion done.
for all.
you will not always need cannabis to concentrate.
your true focus is always there.
it is helping you release your fears within.

listen to him more intently, darling, for he too was once your teacher. (Champion)

throat chakra, writing abilities...call upon Gabriel.
She will heal.

see yourself with more love.
see others with more love.

always feel your wings flapping for you one day will fly again.
practice controlling your energy more.
you already know how to do this.
routine.

love

cats, bluebird, lion, ostrich (?)= power animals

call upon unicorns more

when you second guess your aura colors on others you close yourself up.
feel to see the energy
doubt is your worst enemy

ask joan about cats.

legumes, dried fruit, less alcohol, white bread and pasta.
run on beach

-Susan (channelled)