Vou Dou Hou Dou

"No. The ancestor spirits are already with you."

sage cleanse
candle burning
mugwort brewing
THC traveling

Things can get deeper
my roots, perhaps?

It is of the earth.
let us intertwine the belief systems.

I was floating in a turquoise bubble.
The animals were drowning but I tried to save them.

i want to remedy everything with you and vegetation.
You know, if we hold our breath long enough under the sea our rebirth will happen.

I was a physician in Egypt.
Eye of Horus-maybe i helped you?
I was a barmaid in Ireland.
Fairy Tales
I was a slave from Africa.
Truthfully Freedom
I was a missionary in China.
I was shaman in America before the land had a name as such.
I was a "witch" in Puritan.
I was a black radical in a concrete land handing out Mao.
I was practicing shape shifting in Lemuria...

The more I try to grasp an understanding, the more complex it becomes.
The more questions I obtain to what I thought were answers.

The truth is simple.

sometimes i forget that we are all just made of light.

sometimes i forget this is just a brief dream.

this is real, but not as real as we sometimes force it to be.

oh darling dear.

visions...

past lives flitter underneath my now eyes.

I was once hung.

I felt it so strongly that night.

I had to keep drinking water.

I felt like I couldn't breathe.

I remembered my childhood "game"

....I would tie a rope around my neck then tie it to something else and lean forward to feel that strangulation....

seems sexual, but it wasn't.

I just did it.

I have a thyroid problem, located in the throat area...a manifestation.

I believed it was related to my life as an African slave, it's relevant.

But it's not.

I was hung for being a "witch".

Last night the visions while meditating seemed from the Salem Witch Trials.

I'm not sure though.

The more I focused on those visions the more suffocated I felt.

I asked Archangel Michael to cut any ties to that past life that were affecting me now.

I believe that is why I have hesitations to talk about my spirituality and knowledge with others.

Champion is the only one I feel comfortable talking to.

When I do find others, I get so excited, like it's a coven or something and I just want to share all my knowledge and know theirs.

But there are always those who doubt and I feel it.

And I become conscious, which is bullshit.

A doubting of my abilities.

I know it is their insecurities playing upon me, but it gets to me.

It got to me.

They can doubt all they want, for it is me experiencing the truth and love of the Creator and all Heavenly beings.

I know the miracles that have graced my life.

I believe my insecurities related to expressing my true nature about my spirituality is related to me being persecuted for my beliefs some time long ago.

Well, it is no more.

I have cut the ties and the healing is happening.

This life will be different.

That life may be why I despise structured religion so much too.

hmm....haha...who knows?

I got 18 more lives to uncover in this 1.

and 25 to still fully understand and heal from completely.

Bring it on....I have eternity.

medicine

working at a place for conventional alternative holistic medicine

cannabis

marijuana

hash

indica

sativa

fruity name after name

i come to a full circle of understanding weed culture

the addictions

the pain

the fear

hmm...the fear...

the fear of allowing your true thoughts out.

an attempt of your soul to break the blocks you have created

...if you are remotely aware

i like to smoke on occasion.

i really enjoy complete meditation when high.

how many people meditate when high?

not many

i feel like it makes me more one with the plant.

human behavior is so interesting when high and in a large group of people whose mental state is way somewhere else...

but i find myself constantly having to shield myself from others energy. way more than usual.

i think it is just because i can feel energy more when high.

people are so unaware and unconscious that they are responsible for their environment.

always.

"this is so awkward"

stop

why?

think:you are responsible for those emotions as well

tarot de sirena

card after card laid down in the sand.

sand crabs jump onto them.

all readings end with success.

success

success

what does that mean?

material?

spiritual?

all i know for truth is that when I finally let go of worry

when i sat down by the ocean waves and wrote a paragraph for my book

everything changed.

the only block to my manifestations was me.

i miss photography.

i was good.

i am good.

i miss my imagination coming out on a piece of dead tree.

i miss capturing time.

i miss the morbidity i transcribed.

i miss going outside with my sister near sunset and making her dress up.

making her jump in a freezing cold pool in January.

making her lie down in the street.

i miss controlling light.

i miss making my poetic lines come to life with a snapshot.

i miss manipulating reality.

i am going to change all of this.

i am going to afford a camera worth artistic endeavors.

i am

i am

i am

I am a published author.

oh, affirmations you have taken me far.

even my subconscious speaks these affirmations and brings me things I did not ask for.

Thank you universe for allowing me to see the beauty in this new friendship.

I knew we always had some connection but now it is being nurtured.

oh, Creator you never cease to amaze me.

These walks are good.

Purple purple purple auras in all the trees.

I can now hear their names.

Layla

George

Elwin

I should have spoken more to that traveling couple.

They were aware.

They knew about crystal magic.

But, I believe our relationship in this life was me just giving them food in exchange for a turquoise ring.

Maybe in a past life they helped me out in a time of need and I was simply returning the favor.

Oh, but it gives my soul hope.

Chamuel

I walk into the scapegoat of time

to only discover that the cannibal has eaten all of my heart.

Yet the heart is just physical.

How can you destroy something that is purely energy?

purely light?

purely love?

The cannibal of monstrousity may have peeled my skin off, dug into my flesh, chewed my organs, and chipped my bones down to marrow

but I am still here.

glowing so bright you could never get lost in the dark.

25 lives in this school known as human Earth and I can not help but wonder...

Why did I keep coming back?

Earth Angel

yes that is me.

So Mr.Cannibal don't let the feathers of my wings get stuck in your teeth.

I will be back again as a jaguar and you as a wild buck

and it will be I who will taste your flesh.

25 lives and counting.

Heaven

Lemuria

Ireland

Africa

England

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Here now.

What am I supposed to do?

Oh mother world! Come lay your tired body in my arms. I am here to help you.

I just need to know how?

why?

the smallest of creatures can make the world of difference.

my past manifestations may be in the history books of this ghastly society but never in this life.

I write my own dreams.

goals

graduate from this school already.

marry Champion.

leave in September of 2011 for Europe,Ireland,Africa,Philippines, and Hawaii.

rediscover my ocean origins in Hawaii through past life transgressions from Lemuria.

write as many children's books as I please.

support and be the manager for Champion's music lessons,performances, and recordings (ohhhh yoko! haha)

become a mother to my 3 children.

teach Athena and the other two (haven't received their names yet) about everything.

ask 2 dogs and 3 cats (maybe a rat or bird) to join our family.

obtain Champion and mines dream home in Texas or Arizona (has a vortex) or Colorado.

find more earth angels and star seeds to reconnect with who are aware.

completely and utterly open all of my psychic abilities.

help others to reconnect with their psychic abilities.

love with a true love.

innocence is not really innocence all the time.
love plays a large role in interpreting who is true,
for truth is love and love is truth.
realize that all is good.
the so called "evil" is controllable for it is within the human ego.

your third eye burns to see passion done.
for all.
you will not always need cannabis to concentrate.
your true focus is always there.
it is helping you release your fears within.

listen to him more intently, darling, for he too was once your teacher. (Champion)

throat chakra, writing abilities...call upon Gabriel.
She will heal.

see yourself with more love.
see others with more love.

always feel your wings flapping for you one day will fly again.
practice controlling your energy more.
you already know how to do this.
routine.

love

cats, bluebird, lion, ostrich (?)= power animals

call upon unicorns more

when you second guess your aura colors on others you close yourself up.
feel to see the energy
doubt is your worst enemy

ask joan about cats.

legumes, dried fruit, less alcohol, white bread and pasta.
run on beach

-Susan (channelled)

creature of the night.

being of the night.

soak up the rays of moon.

"just do it"

jacket

shirt

pants

underwear

off

run run run run run run run run run run run

our bodies coincide with your dark blue energy.

healing love.

i raise my voice in a protesting scream,

that quickly turns to laughter.

you dive in.

run run run run run run run run

i follow.

"don't get dressed yet!"

stand and absorb the healing power of the goddess.

hers is the only light around.

this is timeless.

we are free.

put our clothes back on in a frenzy.

shake out the sand.

we walk back to my apartment to most likely cuddle and watch a movie.

hand in hand.

let's stay like this forever.

"And any time you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain

Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder."

the music i found through a passion i once knew before never changed as i changed.

yet as my thoughts and understanding of this society change and constantly evolve...
the people i want to surround myself with changes.
changes constantly for i am always changing rapidly how i view things.
2
3
4
years.

i need to change the humans.
sometimes i don't want to but they are changing differently than i or not at all.
they come to a plateau of mundane standstill.

i asked you all
and you told me spiritual teacher
but what does that mean?
how do i do that when i find it hard to listen to their words?

please show me
is this a change i need?
or am i overreacting?
allowing my ego feelings to once again take control?

i guess...
i am just asking for your help now.
help to learn and help to teach.

"You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
for a little peace of mind."

i know you all will be there.

ccold ccold cold
shivers course through my body

i am drawing myself away from people i once knew and cherished deeply.
i don't know why.
my life lesson. (sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss)

i will never stop learning.
i will never stop changing.

patience.
i need to practice.

my deeper parts of my soul has always resisted the norm.
they all think i have conformed.
people i know i don't really know and they don't know me at all.

i am the only one who truly knows me and even that is still a mystery.

so much turmoil going on all around me.
people getting angry, frustrated, hurt.
i still get the anger i once knew a few years ago but it has learned to be replaced.

with all this happening,
i still feel deep down that there is nothing to be afraid of.
everything will be ok.

don't be too afraid.
don't be too sad.

oh, happiness.
how do you show others this forgiveness?

two thought and thousand 12/12/

everyone who is everyone is right about their theory.
end of the world?
end of time?
it's going to seem that way.

everything must reach a peak of no return before it starts to level out again.
peace.

we are living the peak of hell's mountain right now.

Greed and evil must make itself so overt and unbearable for humans to all finally stand up and say enough is enough.
but another thought...
what if it's not becoming more overt?
what if humans are just becoming more aware?
their awareness making the evil seen.
spiritual awakening?

we are all about to live out some interesting times.
times before time does not exist anymore.

Celestine
Gaia
Estrella
Skye
Griffyn
Aliyana
Poet
Maeve
Michael
Raphael
Ariel
Jude
Moon
Cecilia
Pan
Story
Sunny
Nirvana
Lennon
Malcolm
Salvador



Who knows what name you will be given my beautiful babies?

I think I will know when my soul physically meets yours.

Oh!

i want to run through the forests
pet the unicorns
fly with the bluebirds
paint with the butterflies
with Ariel by my side.

i want to stand up for those who can't
climb the highest rainbow
walk the streets without fear
jump down the waterfall
with Michael by my side.

i want to express my truth to those i love
know complete forgiveness
love
with Uriel by my side.

i want to heal his heart ultimately
wipe away all those tears
eradicate the scars humans have caused
obliterate pain we create
with Raphael by my side.

i want to give birth to new lives
know the love a mother knows
show the love i know her and i have
with Gabriel by my side.

i want to drift on music notes
help him change the hearts
heal the negativity
with Chamuel by my side.

i want to open all my chakras
have no doubt
see, hear, feel, think
with Raziel by my side.

i would be nothing without you by my side, beautiful angels.

goodnight, i love you.

Begin

banana cream pie
Land Before Time

yeah, that must have been nice.
2012 2012 2012 2012 2012 2012 2012 2012
the last man made year?

Bluebird come take me away.
Fly me to the moon.
moon
moon moon moon
goddess.

black doll with the ash face.
brown bunny
b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b

i will walk barefoot to my death.
or should i say my being.

i am jealous of those who "die"
for a moment....
then i am happy.
they have completed their purpose, learned their lessons.
i will soon join them...
my work is just not yet done.

i may cry some tears but i simply see that as a human accommodation thing to do.
my ego cries.
my higher self rejoices.

death as a human is a curious thing.
the energy depletion shock, the loss of the material is the only thing that will hurt the ego.

i am not afraid of leaving this life.

i honestly can not wait.

but i have yet served my purpose here.
there are still people i need to teach.
there are still people that need to teach me.

it is so comforting to think of being rid of this body one day.
to be in Heaven, free.
more free than i even know what it means.

i wonder what it is like all the time.

GROUND YOURSELF.

i know,
present,
i am here now.

i do not

end

Lightning Bolt

Shark Attack.
Heart Attack.

The number one killer is terrorism....oB(ush)ama

what is change?
what is hope?
Can it be found in one single human being?

Or are they simply the spark to the powder keg of humanity's truth?
But then, what is truth?

My truth does not match your truth.

And, can those sparks of fire be false?
man-made versus nature

i like to listen to humans voices floating in sync with heaven.
Chamuel, free us please.
i like to lie here listening to God's music, forgetting what i can not change.

They say music eliminates and balances energies.
But, what music do you choose to listen to?

Light blue auras mean clairaudience.
Please Michael take away my remaining doubt, I sometimes think I am still talking to myself.

"But is not Heaven within you?"

I see them. I see my beautiful angels always.
They whisper in my ears.
They stroke my hair as i fall asleep.
They sit in the back of my car as i drive home at midnight, scrunched up so that i can't help but laugh.
They stand by my side as i lay on the doctor's table.
They come when i know i have made a mistake.
They come when my past catches up to me.

They are here right now.

The Ultimate Goal

We walk on top of our soul's old temples.
buried deep into Mother Earth.
years, decades, centuries, and eons ago.
Some don't even realize.
A flutter of your heart, a chill down your spine.
"Oh child, someone just walked over your grave!"
That holds more truth than some are willing to admit.

We will know when we come face to face with ourselves.
It is the next human being that walks in the door.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
That should be the ultimate goal.
There is a power balance that is tilted.
It seems that some are just fighting for more power.
And although the oppressed are justified in this quest...
there will never then be the true equality they claim.

The ultimate goal, the ultimate truth...
When you look at another human being you should see yourself reflected back.
no race, no gender, no sexuality, no class, no age, no religion, no differences.

When every single human being can look at one another and see themselves reflected back,
the mirror of pure truth,
then this worldly society will truly be Heaven.

We are all light and love.
Stop seeing the mundane material.

Through the Looking Glass

Goodbye.
I stepped through my mirror today
Just to see.
Looked out the window at the purple leaves
and the spiders having tea.
The sky was red, from passion.
I walked through the window for there were no walls.
"Yeah! When pigs walk!" I heard the elderly girl exclaim.
And sure as stars they were up dancing on clouds.
Shoes for money!
Who woulda thought?
No thorns or stones to prick us now.
Hand me my rainbow quilt,
we'll dive into the sand mirage
And spend the dight and the nay playing dolls.
But don't forget your wising basket to cast.
Please throw away my artificial frown.
Don't forget to see the ice cream man for your cough.
Lemony Lime with a hint of Cherry.
cherry soda pop
Thank you for the remembrance, I'll put it under the tree.
But don't forget to give my love to the mirror world.

Hello.
I stepped through my mirror today.
Just to...live.
Looked out the clouded window at the brown leaves
and the spiders killing the bees.
The sky was blue, but not for long.
I walked through the guilded door, there were no lights this time.
"Yeah, when peace prevails!" I heard a man say.
And sure as death, there were resounds of gunshots.
Lives for money!
That's reality.
No love or smiles to save us now.
Hand me my camouflage.
We'll dive into the mud stained
And spend today and tomorrow playing war.
But don't forget your checkbook and Bible.
Make sure to stomp my smile til it's crooked.
Don't forget to go to the waiting room for your cough.
Antiseptic Advil Zoloft
Coco Cola McDonald's
Thank you for the hate, I'll be sure to pass it on.
But don't forget to give my criticisms to the mirror world.

Goodbye.
I stepped through my mirror today.



(i have never been as proud of a poem before and yet to write one of the same magnitude in my mind.)
-Hailey Pawl 2007